Personal Blog: Sacrifices and New Adventures

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So much has happened over the past few months, since I separated from my husband ( together for nine years and married for three!) It’s been a life changing experience. I’ve been pondering how much I should share online about the experience, but have realised that I have a story to tell that will hopefully be both entertaining and inspiring, so why hold back? I’m not the first person to go through this and won’t be the last, but I hope my sharing will help bring a positive focus to anyone else going through something sad.

With the inspirational @FleurDeGuerre

Sacrifices

No matter how long you’re in a relationship for you will always be making certain sacrifices for the other person, these could be anything big or small. You might not even realises how much you’ve changed for your relationship, I know I didn’t know until after it was over. Stupid, little things like thinking about what he’s doing before making plans and bigger things like adapting your style to suit his taste, not listening to your own music, I was doing all of these things and didn’t even realise the impact it was making on my life until recently. Being with someone since I was sixteen, I didn’t realise how much our relationship had shaped who I had become. Now I’m single, I feel like myself for the first time in nearly ten years!

Teacup Cocktails with @Fluttersparkle

Breaking up is horrible, it’s never going to be easy. For me, I’m focusing on the positives, the new opportunities and the freedom I’ve discovered, this way you’ll soon realise that everything will be ok. Because I had basically grown up with my hubby, there’s a lot of standard, young person things I never did. I had a lot of fears back then that made it a challenge for me to do many things that would be considered normal. I was extremely phobic of busy places, going out at night and particularly going anywhere by myself, since the split, I’m tackling these fears. I did go to a few sessions of private therapy to help with my fears and that’s certainly helped give me a healthier way to look at things that I was afraid of and now I’ve tackled many of them, I can see how irrational they were.

New Adventures

Ok, so now the positive stuff. First off, there’s a blatant change in my style, I’ve dyed my hair, adopted and fringe and have started dressing exactly how I like. However, there is more and I want to share with you a list of some of the things I’ve done in the past few months that I have never done before….

  • Had a shot, I’ve had Sambuca, Vodka and Jagerbombs now. The opportunity had never arisen before and I didn’t think I’d be bothered. The only problem, was that Sambuca shot ended up mostly on my face and not in my mouth.
  • Been to a nightclub. Yes, I had never been to a nightclub until last month, when I had a completely unplanned visit to G-A-Y in Soho, which was SO much fun. Last night, I went to Last Resort a pop punk, nu-metal club night and again that was a lot of fun, there was a mosh pit and everything.
  • Given my phone number to a guy I met in a bar. What with me being in a relationship since I was 16, this had naturally never happened. The guy hasn’t been in touch, I think it’s mostly to do with the fact that I had the aforementioned Sambuca shot on my face and had been drawing on people with Biros for the past four hours. Not cool.
  • Dated. Of course, again, never had the opportunity to date, so I’ve been giving online dating a go. I’ve been on a lot of dates and they have all been really interesting. I don’t know what I want out of dating yet, but really enjoying just meeting new people and getting out and enjoying London. I’ve also been enjoying the hilarious messages that you get on online dating sites too, but that’s another story.
  • Missed the last train home. Again, never been out that late before, so had to pay for  taxi instead. A little thing, but still, something I think everyone has to have experienced at least once.
  • Gotten home in the early hours of the morning. Never happened before, the thought of being away from home past 11pm seemed mental to me before and now I’ve gotten home at about 1am a few times. I know that’s not mega late, but for me, that’s big!
  • Had a hangover. My first ever hangover was about three months ago now, so just before me and hubby split. But still, think it’s insane that I never had a hangover until now. It was bad, I thought I was going to die.
  • Been a flirt. This is more a general thing. I’ve always been so polite because I’ve been in a relationship and never flirted at all. In fact, I used to avoid interacting with attractive men because I thought it would make him jealous. Now, it turns out I’m a natural flirt and it’s a lot of harmless fun.
  • Started modelling again. Another thing that I stopped because he didn’t like it. Now I’ve started modelling again, it’s a huge confidence boost and so much fun. I want to have something to show for the time I spent in my youth and for me, this is perfect.
My beautiful work friend @SineadyMcG

There are more things, but I think this is a good, thorough sum up for now. I just want to say, thank you to everyone who has been such a huge support in this weird time of change, I’ve got amazing friends who have really come into their own recently and been such a huge confidence booster and incentive to get out there and have fun. Thank you. I’m so happy at the moment, yes I have times that I feel low and lonely still, but that’s normal, so I’m not going to let it get me down.

Change is good, it’s scary and it can be upsetting, but ultimately, change is what makes us a stronger person and more interesting. So, basically, if you’re going through a change right now, don’t worry too much, focus on the positives and make the most of life.

Would love to read your thoughts on this post and any stories about any similar experiences, please comment or tweet me @JayneJRead

 

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16 thoughts on “Personal Blog: Sacrifices and New Adventures

  1. This was an awesome read, onwards and upwards!! I was with my first boyfriend from the ages of 15-21 and I never realised how cooped up I was until we broke up, I felt like a freeeee puppy!! But in a way the best thing I took from that relationship was firm boundaries for any other relationship – In the first with him, I didn;’t KNOW what I felt like, what made me uncomfortable etc and oh my god I wish I listened to my friends!! xx

    1. Thanks Sarah. I feel like it’s a good thing that I’m sharing these sorts of stories. It is so weird how you don’t see the problems until you exit a relationship. So happy right now though, it’s good.

  2. This is a great post. Well done you, it is so good to read posts about strong women. I didn’t take things through with my first boyfriend, and after some time I thought about all of the things you mentioned and how I would’ve felt the same. It is weird when you meet people at a young age, and you stick together but you grow up in very different directions, and inevitably you have to let go.
    I changed so much for people, but I could only see when it was over. I had boyfriends that said certain clothes didn’t suit me and I stopped wearing them (dresses – how did I live without dresses???), I pretended to like things I didn’t, but in the end, you know who you are in your head, and you know the things you want to do – I learnt I lot from that!
    A very brave post indeed – and I am so pleased that you are enjoying life after having a rough time breaking up. I try to always remember – when a door closes, something will always open – even if it is a tiny gap on a window…
    Keep having fun, I know too well how amazing it is to feel like yourself again! xxx

  3. Beautiful post. I was also an anxious mess at school but going to uni really helped me. I got to do my ‘going out all night’, travelling the world and taking every opportunity going. At 29 I have zero regrets. (Except maybe the time I tried a home highlighting kit. But we don’t talk about that anymore…)
    PS: Karaoke on stage and skydiving next please. xx

  4. Love this post Jayne and i’m so glad that you’re changing the life for the better and having fun doing it. I don’t comment on blogs much (its been weeks since I last commented on one) but sometimes you read something that really does make you sit up and take notice.

    It is always a tough choice of how much to share on a blog but it can be therapeutic to share. So here’s to dating, drinking and being yourself 🙂

  5. Beautifully honest post Jayne. I split up from my first husband, and a year later met the true love of my life. I don’t regret my first marriage, it taught me so much about me. Wishing you all the best for the future my friend xx

  6. Wonderful Post Jayne,

    Love your list of new adventures, just proves that the things that change and mold us don’t have to just be the great big bang things, but more the smaller things that make you feel alive.

    It’s wonderful to see you blossoming and becoming the best version of yourself.

    Cannot wait to see where this new path takes you.

    Take care
    E x

  7. Well done you – an inspiring post for many I think! You’ve gotta do what you’ve gotta do – no one said life and love were easy! Enjoy! xx

  8. Separating was a very brave move and it sounds like you’re having a good time getting to know yourself again. Well done for sharing, I’m sure it will help a lot of people.

  9. When I met you in London your positivity in light of change and the new outlook you had grabbed was evident and in fact inspiring. I wanted to blog much of this on my site as it was a huge part of our conversation but didn’t as I wouldn’t want to put your personal life out there!

    Well done! You DO have a super present and AND future!

    Enjoy every second and every new experience 🙂

  10. Oh Jayne, this is such a brilliant post. It’s full of life and I love that you feel like you’re living your own life now. There is so much more in front of you and I can’t help but feel very excited for you. Carpe Diem and here’s to life’s experiences.

    xox

  11. Oh wow you have been through so much!
    Good on you for enjoying your life and turning things around. More girls need strength like yours. x

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