So much has happened over the past few months, since I separated from my husband ( together for nine years and married for three!) It’s been a life changing experience. I’ve been pondering how much I should share online about the experience, but have realised that I have a story to tell that will hopefully be both entertaining and inspiring, so why hold back? I’m not the first person to go through this and won’t be the last, but I hope my sharing will help bring a positive focus to anyone else going through something sad.
No matter how long you’re in a relationship for you will always be making certain sacrifices for the other person, these could be anything big or small. You might not even realises how much you’ve changed for your relationship, I know I didn’t know until after it was over. Stupid, little things like thinking about what he’s doing before making plans and bigger things like adapting your style to suit his taste, not listening to your own music, I was doing all of these things and didn’t even realise the impact it was making on my life until recently. Being with someone since I was sixteen, I didn’t realise how much our relationship had shaped who I had become. Now I’m single, I feel like myself for the first time in nearly ten years!
Breaking up is horrible, it’s never going to be easy. For me, I’m focusing on the positives, the new opportunities and the freedom I’ve discovered, this way you’ll soon realise that everything will be ok. Because I had basically grown up with my hubby, there’s a lot of standard, young person things I never did. I had a lot of fears back then that made it a challenge for me to do many things that would be considered normal. I was extremely phobic of busy places, going out at night and particularly going anywhere by myself, since the split, I’m tackling these fears. I did go to a few sessions of private therapy to help with my fears and that’s certainly helped give me a healthier way to look at things that I was afraid of and now I’ve tackled many of them, I can see how irrational they were.
Ok, so now the positive stuff. First off, there’s a blatant change in my style, I’ve dyed my hair, adopted and fringe and have started dressing exactly how I like. However, there is more and I want to share with you a list of some of the things I’ve done in the past few months that I have never done before….
- Had a shot, I’ve had Sambuca, Vodka and Jagerbombs now. The opportunity had never arisen before and I didn’t think I’d be bothered. The only problem, was that Sambuca shot ended up mostly on my face and not in my mouth.
- Been to a nightclub. Yes, I had never been to a nightclub until last month, when I had a completely unplanned visit to G-A-Y in Soho, which was SO much fun. Last night, I went to Last Resort a pop punk, nu-metal club night and again that was a lot of fun, there was a mosh pit and everything.
- Given my phone number to a guy I met in a bar. What with me being in a relationship since I was 16, this had naturally never happened. The guy hasn’t been in touch, I think it’s mostly to do with the fact that I had the aforementioned Sambuca shot on my face and had been drawing on people with Biros for the past four hours. Not cool.
- Dated. Of course, again, never had the opportunity to date, so I’ve been giving online dating a go. I’ve been on a lot of dates and they have all been really interesting. I don’t know what I want out of dating yet, but really enjoying just meeting new people and getting out and enjoying London. I’ve also been enjoying the hilarious messages that you get on online dating sites too, but that’s another story.
- Missed the last train home. Again, never been out that late before, so had to pay for taxi instead. A little thing, but still, something I think everyone has to have experienced at least once.
- Gotten home in the early hours of the morning. Never happened before, the thought of being away from home past 11pm seemed mental to me before and now I’ve gotten home at about 1am a few times. I know that’s not mega late, but for me, that’s big!
- Had a hangover. My first ever hangover was about three months ago now, so just before me and hubby split. But still, think it’s insane that I never had a hangover until now. It was bad, I thought I was going to die.
- Been a flirt. This is more a general thing. I’ve always been so polite because I’ve been in a relationship and never flirted at all. In fact, I used to avoid interacting with attractive men because I thought it would make him jealous. Now, it turns out I’m a natural flirt and it’s a lot of harmless fun.
- Started modelling again. Another thing that I stopped because he didn’t like it. Now I’ve started modelling again, it’s a huge confidence boost and so much fun. I want to have something to show for the time I spent in my youth and for me, this is perfect.
There are more things, but I think this is a good, thorough sum up for now. I just want to say, thank you to everyone who has been such a huge support in this weird time of change, I’ve got amazing friends who have really come into their own recently and been such a huge confidence booster and incentive to get out there and have fun. Thank you. I’m so happy at the moment, yes I have times that I feel low and lonely still, but that’s normal, so I’m not going to let it get me down.
Change is good, it’s scary and it can be upsetting, but ultimately, change is what makes us a stronger person and more interesting. So, basically, if you’re going through a change right now, don’t worry too much, focus on the positives and make the most of life.
Would love to read your thoughts on this post and any stories about any similar experiences, please comment or tweet me @JayneJRead